Of all the things I regret...

When I look back at my life, there's a lot I should probably want to redo, but I guess it's all led to a place that I'm actually quite okay, so I guess I don't regret too much.

Except for one thing, that I will frequently moan about - my wedding dress. I dream of getting to the day where I get over my hatred/disappointment for it. I think I hope that I'll eventually talk myself out of it. I adore watching shows about wedding dresses, I liked wedding dress shopping with my sister in law etc, but then occasionally it'll feel like the wedding dress is stabbing a knife through my heart, followed by random tears. I hate half of my wedding photos, I hate me for being such a useless girl that I couldn't lose weight so I couldn't have a "pretty" dress, I hate that I let an arbitrary budget stop me from picking a dress I liked more that was barely more expensive, I hate that I felt that I needed something simple, when really I wanted to be a princess. I hate that when I knew it sucked, and I knew the designer hadn't given me the dress I wanted (it was supposed to be sleeved and a-lined, which I paid extra for - note it ended up being neither) that I silently cried through fittings, or didn't argue because I didn't want to be a Bridezilla. I hate when it was too big on my chest, so my bra strap showed in most photos, I let them tell me that it was my fault as I'd clearly put on weight since the first fitting. (How does putting on weight make a dress too big? And I'd stayed the same weight the whole time...)

I hate that I spent my whole life dreaming about wedding dresses, and totally screwed it when I had the opportunity.

I hate that such a silly and shallow thing eats at me. My wedding was near perfect, I know everyone says it, and does to be polite, but we really did have people say it was the best wedding they ever went to to third parties. It was a simple cocktail late afternoon wedding. There were touches that I just adored - from the ridiculously delicious cake (complete with Snoopys peering over the top) to a non-traditional soundtrack (any standard party songs/wedding songs were banned - we featured rock and 80s pop, music we love.) We walked into the Star Wars theme etc, left to the Darkness etc. It was great. I just loved it - except for the damn dress.

When we renewed our vows in Las Vegas in 2010, most of it was because I'd always wanted an Elvis hosted Vegas wedding, but also a bit so I could get another shot at a dress. Of course this wasn't going to be a formal wedding dress, but I got a cute 50s style dress, which I liked a lot. It probably softened my feelings a bit. (I know you're thinking "God how emo was she before then!")

This blog is because I'm watching Amsale Bridal and feeling down (I'm tired, I get down when I'm tired.) I accept that there's about 99.9% of the world's population would love to have this as their greatest problem, so I kind of suck.

Maybe one day, Aaron will let me renew our vows again, and I can get the dress I really wanted. I live in hope :)